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Communication In Marriage--Communication Tools to Save Your Marriage

Communication In Marriage

Communication Tools to Save Your Marriage

Tip One: Listen to Understand Rather Than Listening to Respond or Reply

When we listen to respond/reply, we can get defensive, or we can seek to come out on top/win the argument instead of being focused on listening to understand what our partner is actually saying to us. If they are communicating, it's because there is a need that needs to be addressed.

Tip Two: Stop Playing the Blame Game

The blame game is not a productive communication tool. Don't start to attack your partner and blame them for your unhappiness. If you do, your partner is going to be defensive. They'll feel like they're responsible for everything and they're going to want to defend themselves instead of pulling in the same direction.

Tip Three: Grow in Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. If you’re not a natural empath, this will be a tool you must learn how to use by practicing. It will feel awkward at first. A relationship cannot blossom if you don't have empathy for your significant other. I'm not just talking about having sympathy (aw, that’s sad for them) but rather empathy (the ability to understand and share the feelings of the other) for what they are going through; dive into the emotion that they are feeling and feel that emotion with them. Acknowledge their pain. Validate their feelings.

Tip Four: Echo your Partner’s Message

When your partner is venting or giving you constructive criticism, it is helpful for you to echo their message. This is to ensure you understand what they are saying and to give them a chance to realize and accept and digest the fact that you've truly heard them. This means you have understood what they are feeling and what they need from you.

You can do that by echoing what they have said using their own words to basically convey the message that they have conveyed to you. It's important for you to talk in terms of what makes your partner tick. Don't be self-centered in your communication habits. Really try to connect with your partner, to marry your wants, your ideas, and your needs with their interests, with things that they can relate to so that it doesn't become a “me versus you” battle.

Tip Five: Let your Partner Talk

Your partner needs to be able to express themselves and the more someone talks about themselves the more they feel good, the more they feel heard, and the more they feel understood. When you give the opportunity to someone to talk about themselves, they'll consider you a friend. Of course, you have to be genuinely interested in what the other person is saying but there is no better way to connect with someone than to let them talk about the things that they're interested in.

It's important for you to show respect in your tone, to show respect in how you look at your partner, and how you value their time. Just to show respect to what you are building together as a unit is powerful. A common life project cannot happen unless both people feel respected. Many times, when partners open up to therapists or coaches, it is found that one or both parties don't feel respected in their relationship. To ensure the maximized sense of respect for one another, listen!

Tip Six: Admit when you're Wrong

Nothing can be more destructive to healthy communication than two people camped under their respective positions unable to take accountability for themselves and for their shortcomings. If you have an inability to take accountability for your faults, for your wrongdoings, how can you expect your partner to be accountable to you as well? You need to lead by example, and you need to take accountability for the mistakes that you've made and what you could have done better along the way. Your partner is your mirror, they'll let you know what those mistakes were.

Tip Seven: Start Communicating on Things that You Agree About

If you successfully are able to get your partner to say yes once, twice, or three times, the odds are that they will say yes to your stronger, more important complaints or constructive criticism. Most of the time people are defensive and camped in their position before a conversation even begins.

It's a conflict of ego and consensus is not built because you're just so focused on yourself. So, get into the habit of building consensus early in conversations, especially for important meaningful conversations so that by the time you get to your most important ask your partner is pulling in the same direction with you.

Used from: Communication In Marriage | 9 Communication Tools to Save Your Marriage!

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